Sweet Showers

Today I am going to a baby shower. It is the first of a few over the next few weeks. I have been to so many over the past ten years for some beautiful women who have become wonderful mothers. It is such a wonderful thing to be a part of - helping someone usher a new little one into the world by showering them with love, support, crocheted blankets, and nipple cream. As the years progressed and our friends had children, first one, then two, at times it was painful for me to attend the showers on one hand, while at the same time it was a way for me to stay connected to the tribe of mothers that I so wished to be a part of. It has been nine years since we were married (on the solstice in June) and today I am having a shower. It feels like a rite of passage, a turning point, and a delicious treat I am sneaking in the middle of the night all rolled into one.
At first, I really didn't think I "should" have a shower. We are adopting and it felt funny somehow; then it sunk in - we are bringing home a baby!!!! I am going to be a mother and I will walk through the doorway into the mothers' room of life and I would like to have my beloved circle of women there with me. It is so humbling to know that women will gather today to celebrate me becoming a mother just as we have gathered together to celebrate others. I am truly honored and amazed. AND, my mom will be there! We are so blessed to have TWO grandmas here for our baby!!!

As most of you know, although I have not published much about, I have been preparing to breastfeed our little one when he arrives. I have followed the protocol that was designed by Lenore Goldfarb and Dr. Jack Newman http://www.asklenore.com/ and started pumping on Friday night (six weeks before the due date). It was not so comfortable at first - okay, painful the first night before I figured out that I needed to turn the pump down! - but last night, only 24 hours later while pumping for the fifth time, my breasts produced little drops of milk!!!! I cried so hard out of relief and amazement at the awe of it all. Tony was with me as I was doing this and just smiled in supportive understanding of my sheer pleasure knowing that I CAN DO IT and I will be able to feed our baby by breastfeeding. It feels like, and maybe it is, a miracle.

So, today I title my post "sweet showers" for two reasons - the modern ritual of a baby shower in my honor and the shower of sweet drops of milk that are sure to come more.

Thank you for your loving prayers all along this journey and for listening!
With hope and gratitude,
Tamara