Immersed

Immersed is the only word I can think of to describe my experience of the first three months of Caleb's little life. I am still submerged somewhat into the depths of the newborn world. Although technically he is not a newborn anymore and is growing so fast, I still see him as very young. Three months old Saturday - wow! Each day turns into night and night into day again so quickly. Today it is already 2:30 pm and I have not "done" anything. I ate some food, put some clothes on, took a nap with the baby, fed the baby a few times, changed the baby a few times, visited with a friend, walked up and down the street to try to get baby to sleep, bounced on the yoga ball, looked at some emails on my phone. The small tasks of taking care of this beloved little infant consume all of my time and energy. At the end of the day I am tired and I still haven't "done" anything...which, of course, is false. We are witnessing and participating in the most amazing growing experience of our lives! Caleb is changing every day and I am privileged to watch.

It used to be that he could not get his fists to his mouth really, then last week he could get only his whole fist in his mouth. This week he can get individual fingers in his mouth and it must feel good because he drools all over them as he babbles about it. I know he is young, but I swear that he is getting teeth already or this process is quite long because he is massaging his gums with his lower lip quite frequently and the drool has warranted a little bib most days to keep his clothes somewhat dry. He has not rolled over just yet, but it sure seems like he will soon! This week he loves to lift his head and do these little sit ups. If I hold his hands, he will pull himself up to sitting and thinks it is just so fun!

I am amazed at what a tremendous transition this is for me; not going back to work when school started felt strange and wonderful all at the same time. Now I am also gearing up a little for intensive trainings in October and I think that it will be challenging to be away even for a few hours for me. He is still so young and we are quite attached :). 

All in all, life is wonderful and amazing! It is also so different from before the baby was born that I feel almost like I've started a whole new life; as a mother. Wow! I still have to pinch myself when I think about it. I am so immersed in it and loving it that I have not even had a moment to reflect - until now. A whole new chapter - sigh!

Welcome Baby

Dear Friends,
It is with great excitement and tremendous joy that I say: Caleb is here!!!! Our baby boy was born on June 15 at 12:59 and weighed 6 lbs, 13 oz. He was born at home after a very quick labor and his birthmom did a wonderful job. She is well and feeling good. She was so gracious to allow us to stay with her until we came home. Tamara stayed the whole time and helped to take care of her while she took care of the baby. Then, the second night, Tamara started breastfeeding and she rested. Tony came back and forth to also take care of the dogs and pick things up that we needed. It was an extremely special, sacred time and we feel so privileged to have been a part of his life from the begninning. We can never thank his birth parents enough for entrusting us to be his parents. There are no words to express how incredible a gift they have given us.
It was a very proud moment when Tony was able to bring his son home on Father's Day! Wow. What an amazing event.
We were exhausted already and it was an emotional day saying good bye to Caleb's birthmom, but we were so glad to be home.
Now Caleb is almost three weeks old...and yes, I am finally blogging!!! Well, I've been a bit busy and loving it - challenges and all. Breastfeeding is working with the Supplemental nursing system, but I am not producing enough for him on my own. We have been receiving milk from BM for him and we have some in the freezer. It is an incredible journey; wow!!
Thank you all for your support all along the way; your prayers, hopeful contributions, and positive attitudes! We are parents now and on a new road!
Here is a picture of the little bundle - he is growing so fast!

With gratitude and love,

Tamara and Tony

Sweet Showers

Today I am going to a baby shower. It is the first of a few over the next few weeks. I have been to so many over the past ten years for some beautiful women who have become wonderful mothers. It is such a wonderful thing to be a part of - helping someone usher a new little one into the world by showering them with love, support, crocheted blankets, and nipple cream. As the years progressed and our friends had children, first one, then two, at times it was painful for me to attend the showers on one hand, while at the same time it was a way for me to stay connected to the tribe of mothers that I so wished to be a part of. It has been nine years since we were married (on the solstice in June) and today I am having a shower. It feels like a rite of passage, a turning point, and a delicious treat I am sneaking in the middle of the night all rolled into one.
At first, I really didn't think I "should" have a shower. We are adopting and it felt funny somehow; then it sunk in - we are bringing home a baby!!!! I am going to be a mother and I will walk through the doorway into the mothers' room of life and I would like to have my beloved circle of women there with me. It is so humbling to know that women will gather today to celebrate me becoming a mother just as we have gathered together to celebrate others. I am truly honored and amazed. AND, my mom will be there! We are so blessed to have TWO grandmas here for our baby!!!

As most of you know, although I have not published much about, I have been preparing to breastfeed our little one when he arrives. I have followed the protocol that was designed by Lenore Goldfarb and Dr. Jack Newman http://www.asklenore.com/ and started pumping on Friday night (six weeks before the due date). It was not so comfortable at first - okay, painful the first night before I figured out that I needed to turn the pump down! - but last night, only 24 hours later while pumping for the fifth time, my breasts produced little drops of milk!!!! I cried so hard out of relief and amazement at the awe of it all. Tony was with me as I was doing this and just smiled in supportive understanding of my sheer pleasure knowing that I CAN DO IT and I will be able to feed our baby by breastfeeding. It feels like, and maybe it is, a miracle.

So, today I title my post "sweet showers" for two reasons - the modern ritual of a baby shower in my honor and the shower of sweet drops of milk that are sure to come more.

Thank you for your loving prayers all along this journey and for listening!
With hope and gratitude,
Tamara

Getting Close!

I am embarrassed to see that my last post was January 30. I can see how time flies when you're busy as a "one armed paper hanger" - as my grandmother used to say. We have been quite busy around here and there is still more to do....LOTS more...but we are getting close! So, here is the most current - my house is a mess....It must be like the squirrels I used to watch build nests. They would just fling sticks out of the trees and they would fall down in scattered piles all around the base of the tree. I feel like all of the "pieces" to our nest are all scattered all around but we are in this "nesting mode" and it will somehow work out that soon we will have a lovely nest. The sticks that are in place so far:
1. carpet down
2. walls painted
3. crib bought
4. changing table/dresser bought
5. cloth diapers bought
6. breastpump ready
Well, that seems like a short list now, but it feels like a lot! We'll get there. We are so excited to bring him home in just two short months. Somehow I'll get the house cleaned up and sorted through and all of the sticks in place just right - or not! I'm not so sure he'll notice, really.
Today our birthmom told me that the baby has the hiccups....it is such an incredible gift, blessing, miracle that she includes me in these things and I will be eternally grateful for it.
Eternally grateful is a long time, but I mean it! I think that this journey connects us in a way that can only be understood in the span of eternity - a shared path that connects us on a path that goes far beyond this moment or this life it seems.
With love and hope,
Tamara

It's a BOY

We are at 20 weeks now! AND, it's a BOY!!! Wow, a boy. I was able to go with our birthmom to the ultrasound and saw it loud and clear - a boy. Tony is so excited! We are half way there, too. 20 out of 40 weeks. This is so exciting; now we are in preparation mode. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself...there is so much to do, it's a challenge to focus on it. I am getting things together to start preparing to breastfeed and am very excited about that :). Dr. Jack Newman of Toronto is a huge help. His website http://www.drjacknewman.com/ is great as he is the forerunner/expert in the field. I am looking forward to the bonding experience and am grateful there is a chance of providing at least most of the breastmilk for the baby!

Here's a picture of the little guy.

Isn't it amazing?

With love and hope,

Tamara and Tony

Expecting

We feel as if we are "expecting" and I guess we really are!!! Of course, I'm not pregnant, but our birthmom is and due June 19! It is just so incredibly exciting. Nine years ago tomorrow, we got engaged to be married and 5 short months later we were married on June 21...this feels so similar. In only 5 short months from now, we will bring our baby home. We just cannot express how incredibly grateful we are to God for blessing us with the hope and faith that He has given us. It is amazing to believe that soon we will be parents. We've already started some preparations, of course, and continue to do so - this is the "oh my gosh there is so much to do" stage, I guess! Wow :)

Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.
With love and hope,
Tamara and Tony

On the Receiving Path!!

Happy New Year!!!
It has been since Thanksgiving that I have posted....wow how time flies! Sorry about that!
As some of you know, I have been creating art for a number of years now that depicts (although not always consciously) "baby" or "fetal" shapes, pregnant bellies, and images of that sort. Well, just before the last post, I had a dream of quilting them all together (there are 100's of them now) and creating "receiving blankets". Yes, RECEIVING blankets. I did quilt a few Touch Drawings together for the Touch Drawing show at our gallery which is coming down today. What amazes me is that we are now on what I refer to as the Receiving Path; we are ready and preparing not to "get pregnant" but to receive a baby. Wow!
It looks like it will be June when our baby arrives and we are so excited to be preparing for him or her!!!(We have chosen to not find out if the baby will be a girl or a boy - it really makes no difference :).

We are so deeply grateful to ALL OF YOU for your continued support and ask for your prayers and well wishes as we journey with the baby's birthmom through her pregnancy and the birth of baby. She is wonderful and we feel so blessed to know her and to be able to do this with her. What an amazing heart and beautiful woman! It is with GREAT joy that we announce that we are planning for the arrival of our baby on June 19!! That gives us almost 6 months to prepare. We'll try to keep you updated better.

Receiving such blessings is challenging, and yet I feel like God has prepared us to do so. The term "receiving blanket" is so appropriate because as a baby is born, the parents receive the baby - a divine gift to love, a sacred agreement to parent and protect, a treasured opportunity to grow and become. Due to all of the trials, disappointments, and subsequent learning we have had along with the tremendous support you all have given us - we are ready to receive such a blessing! Thank you! The gratitude is overflowing and the magnitude of this experience is humbling.

At this time, as we savor the recent Christmas blessings of family and time together and celebrate the upcoming New Year, we share our gratitude and hope with all of you - may your New Year be filled with abundant blessings!

With love and hope,
Tamara and Tony